BackaBuddy fund progress – 2026-07-14

Hi Folks,

Your contributions have got me past the R4000 mark, and I want to thank you for believing in me enough to support me in my quest to become a qualified Home Care Professional. It means a lot.

Specifically, what it means is I only need another R2500 to cover my rent for August, and that takes a lot of pressure off. I am still walking dogs for groceries and bus fare, but at least I’ll have another month of living indoors with water, electricity and a wifi connection, and that’s my biggest stress.

Without your support I can’t walk this final mile to attain some kind of qualification. Officially, I have matric, even though my own education has been a priority for life. I’ve done many online courses and developed my artistic skills and practise by paying for private lessons, but none of that seems relevant anymore. The world has changed and even highly regarded creative workers are being fired, and can’t find work. How could I even drsam of competing when the whole industry has been decimated. That’s why I feel I have to make this change.

I missed out on my degree in 3-Dimensional Design (Product Design) when I was 21 because I ran out of funds during my third year. Family finances were tight and I didn’t have someone to guide my thinking when things started to go wrong. I made real mistakes back then because I didn’t feel I could talk about my problems with anyone. I was eaten up by sadness after losing a relationship I felt was a possible salvation, but that ended badly. The resulting depression led to a lack of focus and loss of motivation.

It was my first attempt at accepting a future where I wouldn’t be alone and when it fell apart I took it hard. I was confused and isolated. Then I got mugged on the way to Tech, and later injured my hand in the workshop where we built prototypes because I was trying to save money by making a case to carry my art supplies.  It all piled up on me and I didn’t think anyone could ever understand. I certainly couldn’t risk talking to anyone about my confused feelings about love. So I dropped out.

What’s happening now reminds me of that time, but now I have people supporting me. I have psychological support from a therapist who understands me, who’s been willing to help me get out of my financial dead end. I’ve had therapy to put some things about who I love and how I love into context, and to help me begin to consider the future with some positivity. I’m not all the way there yet, but this is another step on a difficult path.

I won’t be destroyed if I don’t make it, but if I do, I know the work will be a way out of hopeless, selfish and self-destructive thoughts. When I am earning fair pay for honest work, my depression always lifts. 

When I was younger I didn’t have access to the funds, and didn’t know how to ask for help. Now, at an advanced age, those loans and bursaries are out of reach, so you are my one hope of doing this.

If there is another way, please let me know, because asking strangers for help is not easy.

Every little bit of money that comes in frees me to do more shifts toward my required hours, and helps secure my future work opportunities.

There are other requirements I still need to meet that have been out of reach to me. It’s been hard to imagine ever reaching my goal. The one I set one night, prompted by an advertisement for this course with Oxbridge Academy. The correspondence school has changed hands and is rebranding as Waterfall School of Business.

It’s unclear to me if my course, Home Based Personal Care Worker, will continue to be a priority for them, so the sooner I can complete it, the surer that doing all this work won’t end in another disappointment for me.

With your help, I’ll be able to improve the quality of life of disabled or chronically ill people, those recovering from surgery or suffering with dimentia, working parents and family members who feel exhausted but need to care for a loved one while trying to earn enough to live, and carers exhausted by an ever increasing work load.

This work touches the lives of people who are unable to care for themselves, as well as those around them. It also represents a future filled with hope, Something that escaped me for so long.

I understand what it’s like, feeling that you’re just waiting to die, but unable to do anything about it. There were days I regretted being born. I knew I couldn’t harm myself. I couldn’t do that to my family and friends. Their helpbrepresents a debt of honor fot me. I’ve already received more from them than I would ever have expected, and that’s why I am asking for your help.

Don’t imagine that I misunderstand how privileged I am. It hasn’t escaped me that there is real, shattering need all around. I am doing my best not to become one of those desperate people. I’d rather ask for your help now than let poverty swallow me whole.

I’d probably survive, but I kind of like the version of me I am now. In my depression and crisis of the past year or two, I have considered breaking my own internal rules. It’s unclear what form that would take, but I’d rather not find out.

I am soft, and kind. I have compassion for the anxiety, fear and hopelessness of others. I identify with suffering mental and physical anguish. But don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. I have proven over and over that I am resilient and capable of much more. I just couldn’t see a reason to do more, but I am beginning to understand that I am not here for me. I am here for us.

I am kind because life is not. My hope is that all the challenges we face, all the obstacles, our need for resilience, will somehow make sense one day. All I can hope for is that we are being prepared for our good and that continuing to push back against hopelessness and despair will deliver a better life. I am not couching this in religious language.

There is a reason I’m not couching this in religious language. It isn’t just to avoid offending anyone, it’s because I am allowing for my own lack of certainty. This is how I approach the unknowable. I admit to myself that I don’t know, but it’s not my job to know everything. I have to leave that as unknowable. I’m okay with that.

To me, that presents an open door. I have no objection to helping anyone, even if their religion or culture doesn’t echo my own. I know some people might prefer me to adopt a message but I hope that this is all the message I need: being kind to the helpless makes the world a better place to live in. I know that to be true.